Here's to Health!

Anyone, who has known me in the last 10 years knows that I am not a one trick pony. At my feisty young age I feel like I have lived three lifetimes. I am currently slogging through one of those times of fulfilling a lifetime educational goal and feeling the drudgery. Having been through this trial by fire already I have reduced my attitude to a simple..."tell me where to kiss and I shall." After all it takes the hindsight of a seasoned student to realize that hazing is not only a right of passage through the Greek system but a flagrant shroud that must be worn in the pursuit of the ever so enviable piece of "smart paper." So what for the new year ahead? Hum...well I know I have some plans, as I always have. My theme for the year is Health!!. After living through yet another attempt at my life, and might I say one of the most ferocious, I have risen again. It is quite the hysterical idea that of the the people and things that have tried to kill me, a dead person came the closest. So my idea is to start to treat myself with the goal of regaining a sense of peace in all things that pertain to my health. I have found that declaring these themes each year really does promote an awareness that furthers your striving efforts. SO what is health to me now that I realize just breathing can be the most difficult thing? Well I guess that is what I am out to discover over this year, wish me luck.

Healthcare...Healthscare

Oh how I long for the good ole days when doctors ran their practices independent of insurance companies and drug companies. When doctors would actually talk to you rather than running a schematic in their heads(and now on computers) and never thinking outside of the box and the more billable procedures the better my paycheck. I mean really as a consumer of any other product they tell you the price upfront, give warranties so that when something doesn't work you don't have to pay even more money to receive another functioning product or even get your money back. Doctor's won't tell you the cost of care before hand and insurance companies sure the hell won't either. You're just stuck with dealing with the aftermath in a system that seems to just be a punishment of paroxysmal etiology. This way of doing business ought to be unconstiutional and illegal. Let's see how did it work out to just let the financial institutions run wild with their money making schemes. The whole country is paying for that one. Unfortunately the healthcare issue has been a bit more insidius and since it is a system dealing with human health people are much more vulnerable to just taking the hits as they come, because there is no price on health right? The system is corrupt and a labyrinth of dysfunctional red tape and gibberish that has nothing to do with people and their health coming first. It is a defunct quagmire that will sink us all eventually. Unfortunately those of us with illnesses and middle class incomes are hit the hardest and if our health fails there is no safety net, we get wiped out. Unlike the rich who just pay and pay til they are satisfied or the poor who rely on us taxpayers to raise their kids and provide their healthcare taking another chunk out of the middle class. The insurance companies and drug companies have stolen the power of healer from the physician and now they are just business men with white coats. So surely the ripple effect is the sick folks aren't whole human beings with needs beyond popping a pill to pay the bills on both sides of the coin. I am apalled, dismayed, frustrated and totally vexed by the state of healthcare delivery in this country. We all ought to be ashamed of ourselves for placing so little value on the quality of lives and health. Solutions you say? Well how about we require those insurance companies and drug companies that spend billions in lobbying to use that money instead for free health programs for prevention and subsidies across the board to set reasonable limits on what the average person must pay out of pocket for care, kind of like a sliding scale based on what you can truly afford not on what they decided to charge you. How about we train doctors again to make care decisions and allow them to direct care, you know educate caring doctor's and physician extenders not businessmen with prescription pads and CPT codes. Maybe this would have a side effect of reducing litigation. Aren't there studies out about building better relatinships creates less animosity when things do go wrong, you know, how honest mistakes are more easily forgiven that blatant disregard. How about we cuts costs by educating people that no one gets out of this world alive and exorbitant costs to keep a terminal patient breathing is not a benefit and death on nature's terms is a law you shouldn't fight. How about we require all young people to do a rotational civil service that gives them hands on experience in different health and human services areas to build a more connected, compassionate society that values people above money. Man that sounds like a far out idea huh? If politicians can organize huge campaigns year after year and especially during presidential election years, then why can't they organize a government funded mobile campaign to roll out hands on, person by person, community by community, healthcare based education and prevention that is of little or no cost that has nothing to do with insurance or drug companies except that they sponsor it. How about offering those of us willing and gifted enough to take on being healthcare providers a resonably priced education so that paying off the debt isn't the biggest priorty when you become a practitioner. I suggest that the poor have to contribute something not nothing to their care, back to the sliding scale. You know if a million people only pay a dollar that is a million dollars. I actually think I hit it on the head when I said start valuing people above money. Really has anyone read the history books. Lest we get back some of the values of the Greatest Generation and reign in all of the out for number one mentality we will all parish in a ruin of our own making. Quality of life is fundamentally based on health: physical, mental, emotional, social and economic. We need to come together before we all fall apart literally.

Afraid to Dream

This is a rap song I wrote for a Marine I was very close to and who was a raging alcoholic. He had so much potential and no way of dealing with all the pain.

You say hold on hold up it ain't meant to be you and me
So take a step on back from my heart
Cuz you ain't got the art it takes
But I say it's all just a fake

You're frontin' you're wantin' to jump into what I'm offerin'
Afraid to close your eyes and dream
You make it all just seem about the screams
As you lay me down

But don't be a clown with your fake ass smile
Goin' on the town like you can't dial
My digits, til you're three sheets to the wind
Spinnin' out of control and needing me to steer you in

I've got nothin' but luv for you
And here's why, you're superfly, supercool
You're golden you're holdin' your own
And i want you to know
The soul you try to hide
Burry down deep inside
That bottle
Is crystal clear to me
Past those baby blues all I see
Is the way you make me feel
When you chill and start keepin' it real

So Natin' don't be hatin' cuz I'm into you
We ain't through
I won't let you throw away
Another minute of another day
There's so much more to you
You've got to get clear and let it shine through

So take these words on back to your heart
You're strong enough you can make a fresh start
So I say hold on hold up
This is how I feel
We don't have to part we can just deal Copywrite Pending

In Too Deep

To ponder life is to gaze at a Monet. Up close you see only dull colored smudges, bluriness, random association. But at just the right distance it all comes into focus. A brilliant work of art with depth and texture, smoothing of the grainy strokes that illuninate the beauty that the creator intended. At just the right distance it will hold you in a calm, protected from the torrent and tumultuous waves of life unbalanced. Often, to really see, you must traverse this trail of truth and pain to finally take a view from exactly where you're suppose to be and behold the vibrant abundance that hangs before you. The trick is to know how many paces to take in any one direction and to trust when to look up.

Thinks that make you go humm!

During my attempt to mindlessly surf the TV channels on a Sunday after the stress of finding flooded floorboards in my car, I hapt upon a channel called LOGO. I was stalled as a tall black "man" forcefully delivered his statement " Don't fuck it up" to a group of men in drag. Apparently this is the mantra of one of the long beloved and most famous drag queens RuPaul on his TV show Drag Race. This reality show is out to find the most fab queen bee and there is plenty of drama as the "girls" compete in challenges to become the next drag queen superstar. In this episode the "ladies" met one of their greatest challenges, to make over a group of ass kicking real women that were boxers, matial arts instructors and the like. One of the women introduced herself with a Russian accent eerily reminiscent of Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, "I am Mia. I am boxer." After a hillarious effort by the drag queens to show off their complete lack of hard hitting ability by kicking and punching with their sparring partner the tables were turned and it was time for the makeovers. We find out as the transformations are happening that many of these women had never worn make-up or ever tried to walk in a pair of high heels. The queens had their work cut out for them to ready their protege for the runnway and their Beyonce lip sinc battle. All said and done the battle was fierce, the metamorphasis bewildering and the queens were all proud mothers. My assessment of the Drag Race? A quirky combination of transvestite personalities whose feminine antics and gorgeous bodies lure me into a state of cognitive dissonance. For those of you with open minds, a yearning to stretch your concept of social moors and some of that oh so addictive reality drama Drag Race has it all.

Grateful

Well I dragged my lard ass to the gym today and I feel much better....about eating that ice cream a minute ago. That holiday food did catch up with me so now the trick is to not hate myself and just return to healthier habits and shed this winter coat. That shouldn't be too hard and I remind myself that my theme I picked for the year during Christmas is to be grateful. I had a great reminder the other day when I was sitting in the break room at work and looked up and almost choked on my food laughing because this lady walked in, and I do not exaggerate when I say she looked dead up like Beevis from Beevis and Butthead. For real, a woman. So if my burden to bear is a few extra pounds for life then I am eternally grateful that I don't not look remotely like Beevis. Amen.